I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
