Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
