just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
