I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize