Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish life had little blips of pornography
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
