I hate your face
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
