and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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