There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
