Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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