i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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