i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
