My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're a waste of cheezeits
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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