census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
