12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
