Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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