You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
