I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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