Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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