OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
