as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
