I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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