I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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