i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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