why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
