im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im six kinds of drunk right now
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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