You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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