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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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