either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
