my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
