My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize