i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
