playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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