Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You ate ashes out of my bong
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize