You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
