I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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