I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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