every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
