Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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