But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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