She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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