Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
