No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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