Just took my morning after pill in the library
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
