There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize