I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I touched a dick in church today
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
as a side note pls kill me
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
