he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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