I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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