the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
