therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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