Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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