a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
