i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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