The maid of honor just puked.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
