I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
