I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
