I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
