I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize