I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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