I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
