Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
