my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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