I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
