the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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