dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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