one two three fourrrrnication!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
