Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
