I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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