You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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